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01

Feb

fallingallovertheworld said: About two weeks ago I went out on a first date with a guy. The date went really well (he took me out to dinner). We had some good conversations and laughed a lot and he asked me if I wanted to go out again the next weekend. He even casually referred to me as his girlfriend in a conversation, which took me by surprise to be honest, but I was fine with it. AND later I heard from a mutual friend that he was talking about what a great time we had and how he really likes me. So I know the feeling is mutual. Problem is… we haven't really spoken to each other at all since the date. I walked with him after class the other day, trying to make conversation, but he got all awkward and wouldn’t keep the conversation flowing at all, and eventually started talking to someone else and walked away without saying goodbye. He hasn’t tried to initiate anything with me since the date, so I’ve made a few efforts to talk to him, but he just kind of leaves me hanging. So now I’m just confused. He’s been talking to his friends/other people about how much he likes me and wants to date me, he called me his girlfriend to my face, was totally casual/non-awkward on our date, and straight up asked me to go out again (though no official plans were made), but for some reason he won’t talk to me now. My friends have said he’s probably just really nervous, being his first relationship and all (we’re both 17 btw), but how can I get him to… get over it? It’s frustrating because I DO like him, and I know he likes me, but he clams up and gets all nervous now, which is dumb because we used to talk all the time before we started “dating.” I know I need to talk to him to clear up the situation, but my last few face-to-face attempts have failed, he’s awful at texting, and I feel like a facebook message is kind of immature…but what do you suggest I do to ease the tension and figure out what his deal is?

Try and set up another date and if he blows you off then I think you’re just going to have to bite the bullet and talk to him. It’s going to be awkward but it’ll be okay, it’s better than wondering. You may need to pull him aside say something along the lines of “hey I really like you and I thought you really liked me but I’m just kind of confused. I feel like you’ve been kind of blowing me off whenever I see you at school. If you don’t want to date me or you want to go slow that’s cool I am just confused. I am not use to dating either so I don’t really know if I’m doing this right or not” remind him that he doesn’t need to be nervous around you because you like him and you’re just as nervous as he is. Even if you aren’t *that* nervous it might be nice to say you are so he feels a little better. Also there is no “right” way to date, however if he is blowing you off consistently I would say he isn’t worth your tears. If he doesn’t want to date  and you were friend before I would try and see if you can at least go back to being friends, sometimes that doesn’t always work but you should always try.

17

Jan

Anonymous said: When do (high school) couples usually become "Facebook official"? I know it's different for everyone/something the couple should decide, but generally speaking what would you suggest is the appropriate time? After the first official date (assuming it went well of course)? Also, who sends the request? It sounds like a silly question but it's something I've been wondering. Thanks.

I think no matter if you’re in high school, college or post college it all depends on the couple as to when a relationship becomes “facebook official.” Some people never put their relationship status on facebook. It’s all about what you and your BF/GF want the world to know. I would say if you’re in high school that you make sure you are both ok with making your relationship “facebook official” before you do so.

Anonymous said: So... here's the super long story. I apologize in advance.
I'm seventeen, never been kissed or on a date or anything like that. Basically forever alone. There's this guy who I've had a crush on since sixth grade (yes, since I was eleven years old, and now I'm seventeen. You do the math). Clearly I REALLY like this guy. For as long as I can remember he has always the one I've imagined myself having my first kiss with, being my first boyfriend, going to prom with; hell, I've even thought about what our wedding would be like. So cliche. And I never thought he was way out of my league, it's not one of those geeky-nerd-in-love-with-the-popular-quarterback stereotypes. He's a band geek, I'm a choir geek. We fit. But I just never thought he liked me back.
Now, here's the kicker: HE ASKED ME OUT. Totally out of the blue, he just walked up to me and asked. I was shocked, but obviously I said yes, and I've been on a total high all week. But now.... I'm freaking out.
Neither of us has been in a relationship before, we're both pretty awkward and nervous about this whole thing.... and I do NOT want to mess this up after six years of pining over the guy. So basically what I'm asking is... HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS WORK? lol I'm such a noob at this whole thing, I have no clue what I'm doing. What's a good first date idea? What do we talk about? What should we NOT talk about on a first date? When do we hold hands? Kiss? Become facebook official?! Anything else I should look out for or do? I'm so lost here and it's giving me so much anxiety... I REALLY like him and I know he's new at this too, so it's not like I have some standard to live up to... but I just need some general advice on how to make this work, the least awkwardly as possible. Thanks so much for any advice you can give me and, again, I'm sorry this question is so long!

First off, congrats on your first date. Now here is the thing and this is going to be hard and you’re going to think it’s silly and cliché advice but I need you to remember when you guys go out to JUST BE YOURSELF. He clearly liked you for you so don’t go changing the way you dress or act because you think it will make him like you more. It won’t. Plus, changing yourself for a guy no matter how long you’ve liked him is just silly. Just be confident and true to yourself. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have.

Don’t worry or focus on when things like kisses and hand holding and all that are suppose to happen, they come at different for everyone. Just do what feels right to you, if you don’t want to kiss him then don’t. He is probably just as nervous as you are so both of you just need to take a breathe and remember you’re suppose to be having fun with each other and enjoying each others company, not stressing about whether or not he likes your shirt.

A place for a good first date is kind of tricky, especially since I don’t know what you live around (which is ok, I really do not need to know that type of information) maybe go see a movie and get food either before or after. Try and go somewhere you won’t run into 100 of your closest friends. Where you two can be alone to talk and get to know each other more. Clearly you two have a relationship as friends but you need a quite place to hang out and get to know each other more. I would say especially for your FIRST date go somewhere that you both enjoy, like starbucks, or a restaurant you both like, something simple. Let me know if how things go and if this helped at all.

Anonymous said: Hey so recently i told my best guy friend that i liked him and he said that he liked me too but didnt want to date. I then asked him why he didnt want to date and he said he had no idea why. I explained to him that i was going to try and move on cause there was no point in me liking him if nothing was going to come of it. We talk about everything so yesterday i told him i may be interested in a guy on his baseball team that has been talking to me and he got all mad about it. What am i suppose to do cause he is the one who doesnt want to date....

Let me first apologize for my late answer to this question. I hope that hasn’t made matters worse for you.

He sounds immature.  I am going to go out on a limb and guess that you have seen the movie/read the book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This boy is behaving a lot like Ron Weasley. He seems too afraid of being with a girl (for various reasons) but still wants the girl (you) to himself. I think, if you really are somewhat interested in his friend on the baseball team that you should go out on a date with him. It may help you get over your friend, and why shouldn’t you be happy? You seem young, you don’t need to waste time being upset that one guy doesn’t want to date you. Hopefully you can remain friend through this, that is the most important part.

Before you pursue his friend ask him why it would upset him if you two went out. if he doesn’t give a solid direct answer I would say go for it and ask him out. He seems to just be jealous that you are trying to get over him and possibly move on. make sure to tell him that if you do go out with his friend that your friendship with him will not change. in case that is what he is worried about.

I hope this helped, again sorry for my delayed answer.

13

Jan

My Apologies

I’m sorry this has taken a back seat to other projects I have been working on. I am still here to help you with all of your problems. If you need advice on relationships, friends, boyfriends, fashion, graduation, college, anything. leave me some questions and I will answer no matter what.

20

Dec

Anonymous said: So, I just had a simple question. Is it okay to feel completely okay for being a third-wheel?

I feel okay with it only because my Best friend had me go along on dates with her boyfriend to appease her parents, and I'm just kind of used to it...

The third wheel is generally someone who isn’t wanted in the situation, if you’re friends are ok with having you there and you don’t feel uncomfortable or left out then that is awesome, and you aren’t really a third wheel. However, make sure that they have time to be alone with each other.  Let’s say you’re going to an amusement park, maybe let them go off on their own for a little while you wait in line for a different ride. You’re still all technically together but you are giving them some space. In my opinion if all three of you are friends you really aren’t a third wheel, it’s just you three hanging out.

Anonymous said: Hey so my one friend does not take compliments well at all. He is always down on himself and he does not understand that he is just as good as everyone else. I have been trying to tell him that he is really good looking, funny, caring etc.. but he just doesnt want to hear it and i feel bad cause he truly is all those things and more. What can i do to help boost his self-esteem?

Some people, myself included just do not do well with compliments. Part of the reason is that they are not use to receiving them and also I feel like their brain is just wired to think that they are not that great. (I hope that made sense).

I would try to keep re-iterating to him that he is a good, kind person and that people think he is awesome.  Why not get a group of your mutual friends together and throw a party for him? Just a random party, not a birthday party or anything, just a night to celebrate how much you guys appreciate him. Maybe randomly decorate his locker one day with candy and cool stickers and pictures. I had a friend who was going through bit of a depressing period in his life, my friends and I decided to decorate a little box and write a bunch of different messages and reasons why we liked/appreciated him. We told him that every time he felt upset or sad to open the box and read one of our messages. While some people might think motivational messages like that are childish, this guy was in his mid 20’s when we did this. Everyone needs to be reminded that they are loved.

16

Dec

Hey Everyone!

I hate to be “that person” but…can you guys please Reblog this and help spread the word about this tumblr.

I really want to answer your questions and give out advice but I can’t do that if no one knows about this. Also, I will follow anyone who follows me. I’ve had a lot of fun answering your questions so far so please keep them coming!

So in short either reblog this message or just create a new post telling people to follow http://advicefornerds.tumblr.com/

THANK YOU!

Anonymous said: Okay. I have some "stuff" going on right now.
First of all, we're having money issues at home. I stress a lot and I get depressed easily because of that.
Also, I feel like all my friends are being distant, but whenever they talk to me, I am the one who's distant. If I see them online, I log off. I need them, but at the same time I'm sick of them. We all change, I know, but friends are supposed to be friends always, right? I can't talk to someone who's always talking about how much money they spend on their bullshit, or about their wonderful life... and yeah, I might be a little jealous. Just a little, because I'm not empty like them.
Oh, and I also have issues when it comes to self-esteem; I had acne for like 5-6 years, and now I have horrible scars, which leads me to other two problems:
1. My boyfriend (who I met 10 months ago, online) is coming to see me; I look perfect on my pictures, but I am not in real life (make up and photoshop are a wonderful combination...)
2. Even though I'm gonna see my dermatologist to FINALLY try to get rid of my scars with laser this weekend (after YEARS), with all this stress, I'm too afraid of breaking out again *knocks on wood*, I'm afraid of my boyfriend looking at me, and then just walking away! Or saying something like "you looked better on myspace" (yes, we met when myspace was still alive) Oh, and the fact that we speak different languages won't make things easier -at least I hope I understand what he says; I'm pretty sure that I don't speak too fast when I speak English-. I'm gonna explode.

Sorry if that was too much, but seriously, even though I don't actually know you, TALKING (even this way) is all I need these days. Thank you.

First off try not to let the money issues stress you out. Let your parents deal with that, just try and make their lives a little easier. Clean up around the house, maybe offer to make dinner one night, just try and relieve some of their stress and maybe it will help you feel a little less stressed. If not at least it will distract you. The money situation is probably out of your control but you can do other things that can make your house a happier and slightly less stressful place. I know how it is to grow up and not have a lot of money, especially around the holidays it can be a bit stressful. Just focus on what you have, not what you want but can’t afford.

You shouldn’t blame your friends for being distant towards you if you are the one that doesn’t talk with them. Sometimes when I am in a crappy mood and I don’t really want to see or talk to anyone I force myself to go out with friends because that is usually the only way out of my funk. Don’t let your life become about only communicating online, we need physical interaction, and I am talking like high fives and hugs here not sex.

If you’re friend(s) constantly talk about money maybe bring it up to them and say “hey I get really uncomfortable when we talk about money, I am sort of going through some stuff with my family right now and I would appreciate we talk about something else. I have to deal with that stress at home, when I am with you I want to try and forget that stuff”

I wouldn’t worry about your acne too much, I would assume that inevitable it will come and go because that is just life. However, if you stress and think about it too much it will come back more frequently. Also, you stressing about money, not just your acne will can bring on another break out.    

You probably should have shown your boyfriend a picture of yourself that wasn’t altered with PhotoShop, but that is ok. If has really come to like you through these last ten months it really shouldn’t matter if you have a few scars on your face. We all have scars and cuts on us that we dislike and think that others dislike.

Please be careful when meeting him, I hope you’re meeting in a public place and that people know where you will be in case something happens. I know it seems like you may know this person but sometimes people can be misleading. Let me know how your talk with your friends and your meet-up with your boyfriend goes.   

15

Dec

littlemsnerd-deactivated2011081 said: Well, I have a question for you! Growing up, my style was very much inhibited, and still is, by my mother. And truth be told, I've lost a sense of what my style truly is. I've been doing the 'tomboy' thing for years now and it isn't exactly me. And even though I'm 18, I still can't express myself. And frankly, I don't know how. What should I do to find my style, and when I do, how do I express it and stay withing my mom's boundaries until I graduate and go off to college?

We have all been there. Our mom always picked our closed and told us what was “appropriate” to wear. Then there comes the time when you start to become aware of fashion and trends and what other people are wearing.

To me finding your style is something organic, it just kind of happens and it is always happening. I know my style is constantly changing, and I think that is how most people in the younger generations feel. We are constantly being influenced by a million different things in magazines, on tv, online, on tumblr, and this all helps us create and develop our style.

If you’re unhappy with your clothes maybe you should sit down with your mom, especially of you are going off to college soon this is the PERFECT time. Just sit her down and say, “Mom I am going to college soon and I would really like to start giving off a more girly vibe. Would you want to take me shopping for some dresses or cute skirts and tops? I really want a more mature look for when I go off to school.” Make sure your mom doesn’t mistake the word mature for whore. Mom’s can sometimes overreact when they hear the word “mature.” If she doesn’t’ agree to take you shopping maybe use your allowance (if you get one) to save up to buy some new clothes.

If none of this works out you then I would just say wait until college, I know it seems a long way off but then you can make a fresh clean start with fresh new clothes.